Dollars and Sense

My work is forcing all of it's employees to endure "business training." a.k.a - sit there while we talk to you about how we plan to make more money, and eat some of this nasty food, and then fill out a survey about how much you "learned."

as a flight attendant, i must be subjected to this "training" for two days. today was day one. come along with me as i recount this day for you.

i awake around 8 a.m. following a dream involving michael flatley, lord of the dance (no, im not kidding.) i get ready to go (business casual dress code prevents me from staying in my pajamas), and walk out to my car a little before 9 a.m. im planning on driving to the conference center, because it's literally 12 miles away from my house. now, i HAVE the option to take the train to the airport and catch a shuttle to the convention center, but i figure that is just more of a hassle because it takes around 30 minutes to get to the airport on the train with all the stops and everything. so im driving.

or so i think. i sit in my car and turn the key. and guess what? nothing happens. that's right. the monte has struck again. it's been so long since it's happened, i had almost forgotten that my car is a huge heap of trash and sometimes chooses to not start early in the morning in warmer weather. like me, my car is not an early bird. i think you may be able to find some bloggings about my gigantic piece of garbage car in the past. it always seems to quit on me at the most inopportune times. never on a day when it really doesnt matter if i get to where im going. always on a day where i absolutely must get to my destination. like today. im still on probation, and if i miss this meeting, im pretty much fired.

what to do, what to do. at this point, it's too late to walk alllll the way to the train station, take the train to the airport, and then wait for the shuttle. so i decide to catch a cab. i walk about 4 blocks out to the main intersection near my house and proceed to attempt to hail a cab. unsuccessfully. i couldnt get anyone's attention, and the one guy who DID look at me, waved at me as he drove by.

at this point im in tears. because, hello, im going to get fired. i call 411 and get the number for yellowcab (because it's the only cab company i know the name of). yellowcab says they're sending a cab for me. i wait approximately 20 minutes. no cab ever came. i finally flag down a different cab. who does not take debit cards. so he has to drive me to an atm so i can withdraw money.

when i finally arrive at my destination, he informs me he deserves a big tip because he got me there on time. so apparently chicago cab drivers have no sense of discretion. the cab cost me 40 dollars.

and let me just tell you, im so pleased i spent 40 dollars to get to this fun-filled day of business training....NOT. i was forced to sit at a table with people who were waaaaay too excited to be there. my table consisted of another flight attendant, a couple of customer service agents, a couple of world headquarter workers, a pilot, and a ramp agent. all combobulated together like one big airline family.

the day began with a juggling lesson. no, im serious. step by step instructions on how to juggle. followed by juggling by all. followed by demonstrations of who the best juggler is. you think im joking...im totally not.

and then the board game playing ensued. i want to meet the people who sat down together to plan this training, and collectively decided it would be wise to have a bunch of grown adults play board games together about the business of United. imagine if you will a bunch of 50 year old men with potbellies and scraggly beards alongside some young flight attendants, cocky pilots, and greasy young ramp worker guys. playing a game entitled "Dollars and Sense" which utilizes play money.

and then throughout another board game we played, a guy at my table acted as though we were playing monopoly or something. like.....way competitive and excited about the whole thing. "YESSSSSSSSS!" "OOOOOOOOH PICK UP AN IMPACT CARD!" "WOOOOHOOOO! OUR REVENUE WENT UP! ALRIGHT! MOVE FORWARD TWO!" "OUR CUSTOMER GAMEPIECE IS ALMOST TO THE GREEN ZONE! ALRIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!"

are you kidding me? is this seriously happening?

but it was. and it did.

i took the train home. walking home from the station, i came across a man playing with a remote control car. he thought it would be funny to chase me with the car. about four blocks. this thing is biting me at the heels. i felt like yelling at him that the fact he's a 55 year old man playing with a remote control monster truck impresses nobody. but i didnt.

and now here i sit. soooooooo looking forward to another day of business training. i wonder if there will be board games. one can only dream.