How was your day

Day number one began like any other day. I was assigned to be on standby and arrived at the airport around 1:30 for a 2:00 check-in. i checked the computer for open trips when i arrived at inflight and saw about 8 trips right around my check-in time. so i was fully expecting to fly. there was a jacksonville trip in there with a layover and i was so pumped because it seemed that was the trip i might get. (because duh, that's where my tina lives). but someone else got it. my pager went off immediately after i called the crewdesk to check in and i got a 2 day trip to san diego. fly to san diego, layover, fly back to chicago in the morning. easy enough.

well, flying back to chicago in the morning turned into flying to DENVER, flying back to San Diego, then flying back to Denver and laying over. which is ok, im used to things changing at the last minute. im flexible. part of the reason i was hired. the part that annoys me is that they called my hotel at 3 in the morning to tell me that instead of an 8 a.m. departure, i'll be leaving at 6. which means my hotel pick-up is at 5. which means i must wake up at 4. and i just went to bed at 11. and it takes me longer than an hour to fall asleep, so basically im up now. which means you just robbed me of sleep..... sleep which prevents me from being a huge bia. im really not kind when sleep deprived. truly.

so whatev. the day goes by without any major problems and in fact i cant even recall at this point who i worked with or what type of planes i flew. it really does all blur together unless something out of the ordinary happens.

like, for instance, the last day of my trip. so at the end of day 2, im in a denver hotel sleeping when i am once again awakened by the hotel telephone. at 5 in the morning this time. it is the crew desk...shocker.....telling me my trip has been changed yet again. instead of flying directly home in the morning, my departure has been moved up 2 hours and i will be flying to PHILLY, then to chicago. ugggggggggggh. ok. whatever. i try to go back to sleep, cursing my job.

and so eventually i find myself in philly at approximately 6'ish. all the passengers are on board and we are pushing back from the gate. the captain has informed me (i am the purser) that surprisingly we have no delays, despite the fact that chicago is getting hit hard with snow and nearly every flight at o'hare has been canceled....except ours.

so we taxi out to the runway and sit in preparation for take-off. and sit. and sit. and sit some more. finally the cockpit calls. i answer. and the captain informs me there is now a ground stop at o'hare (basically the airport has been shut down for a period of time, no planes in or out), and it will be at least 2 HOURS before we even get an UPDATE on our wheels up time. classic.

she decides we will return to the gate so passengers are able to get on and off the plane at their leisure while we are waiting, therefore avoiding a mutiny. passengers are p.o.'d. especially the first class V.I.B's (very important businessmen) who, because i am the purser, i have the (non)privilege of serving.

i decided to start a movie for those people who decided to chill on the plane and wait. so i put in Dan in Real Life. and basically hung out. got some drinks for my VIB's, who were not pleased with my attempts at making them happy. one man asked me for headphones because he did not have any in his seat pocket and so i got him a pair from an empty seat and he looked at me like i had just murdered his grandma and said "these are used."

"Yes." I said, simply. Man he's smart.
He just stared at me with disgust as though i had just handed him a used kleenex and asked him to eat it.
"All of our headphones are used," I explained.

He sat at his chair, put the headphones on the console next to him and never put them on, as though he were making some kind of silent statement against United Airlines. Too peeved, even to wear the headphones!!!! You showed me!!!

If this guy is such a smart VIB, how is he too stupid to realize that EVERYTHING on airplanes is used? does he really believe the airline is going to pay for enough new headphones for every single passenger on every single flight of every single day? I shouldve informed him that the pillow and blanket he was using had also been used, and in fact I had seen the man on the previous flight that was using it before him. He was obese and had a cold and im pretty sure he drooled all over the damn pillow while he slept.

anyway. my point is i hate VIB's and first class people in general. they hate the world and think they are better than the entire galaxy. get real. your suit is cheap and so is your cologne.

2 hours pass when we finally learn that the ground stop is lifted at o'hare and we are able to leave. passengers who had left come back on board, mad- but pleased to be leaving. it is now approximately 8 o'clock.

we go through the whole deal again. prepare the cabin for take-off. we taxi out. im sitting in my jumpseat, daydreaming about my bed. when i suddenly realize we've been sitting on the runway for an unusual amount of time. and then the phone rings. it's the captain. and she would like to inform me that the plane is now BROKEN. as in the controls used to steer the plane are not working. (which, in retrospect, is a good thing happened while we were still on the ground and not in the air because im pretty sure you cant land a plane without a way to STEER it). so we must return to the gate so mechanics can look at it.

i hang up the phone and wait for the all the glares and sighs i am about to hear as the captain makes an announcement over the PA. you would not believe the looks that i got. it's as though these people believed i had just crawled through a secret hole in the floor and deliberately beat the airplane with a wrench. yes because i WANT to stay in philly. honestly. i dont want to get home. get a grip people. i've been working for 10 hours at this point. i too, am not happy. i fully realize you are inconvenienced and incredibly angry with United Airlines. But I am not United Airlines. Im just a chick who's here to make your FLIGHT more enjoyable. A flight we havent even taken yet. My job hasnt even really started. so please dont blame me.

so we return to the gate, where we wait for mechanics to arrive. i begin another movie (Martian Child, starring John Cusack) and take notice that headphone-man has given in to his innermost desires and put on the used headphones. passengers continuously come up to me to ask for updates. it's super annoying.

an hour passes when the captain makes an announcement that all the passengers must collect their belongings and exit the airplane so mechanics can do engine tests, which apparently cannot be done with people on board. they are steamed. they take everything with them and exit the airplane, all the while proclaiming to me (because im the lucky one standing by the door and therefore the punching bag) they will "never fly United Airlines again!!!!!!!!!!!!"

alright. solid. i pretty much dont care if you do. aaaaaaand i agree, this airline sucks. alright. later. you're ugly. that fur coat is fake. (this is the dialogue going on in my head as one by one, people verbally attack me while exiting.)

everyone is off the plane and it is yet another hour before someone at operations decides we are going to do a plane change. so we have to wait for another flight to come into philly, wait for it to deplane, and then board that one up with our peeps.

so we finally make it onto the other plane. at this point it's around midnight. im pretty stoked that most of my first class people just want to sleep and so i dont have to serve anyone dinner. im pretty much falling asleep while standing up. it's been a 14 hour day. and i've slept about 4 hours the past two nights. im cranky and in no mood to wait on VIB's and act like i care about them. i totally dont. i care about my bed.

we land around 1 a.m. chicago time. i do my best to smile and say thank you to people as they exit, while they continue to proclaim how sucky United is. I play the ditz card and continue to smile and say thank you as people growl at me. it's almost fun. i wonder if it makes people even more mad.

anyways, i make it out to my car around 2. it's completely covered with snow. i do not have boots and am wearing a skirt with heels so my feet and legs are in snow halfway up to my knee. i manage to dig out my car despite the fact i also do not own gloves and my snow scraper is cracked in half. neato.

now- i was on reserve the next day, meaning i was available to be sent out on another trip if they called me. i toyed with the idea of staying at a hotel near the airport as opposed to driving all the way home in case i had to drive back in the morning. but i really didnt believe United was cruel enough to use me after such a hell-acious day. plus, i racked up a whole lot of hours during my trip and i was nearly maxed out.

i drove home, getting into bed at approximately 4 a.m. i awake to my phone ringing at 10 a.m. for another trip. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i decide i really do hate my life. not really. but crabby, sleep-deprived, morning linda totally does.

and so off i went.

anyways, that right there is why sometimes, i just dont want to talk about my day. so when you ask how it was, please be content with "fine."



quick sidenote, on that last trip i just came back from, we had a fire alarm at our hotel in the middle of the night. super fun. i awoke to the sound of beeping and a flashing light. i was totally out of it and came out of my room with sweatpants, my high heels, and a long sleeved tshirt (without a bra, i thank you). also, i forgot to bring my room key. and also, i saw all of my crew along with the two pilots as i made my way toward the stairs. at this point a man came over a speaker in the ceiling and declared the alarm a false alarm. aaaaaaand i realized i didnt have my key. i had to go down to the lobby, braless and in my pajamas wearing heels, to ask someone to let me in. also, i had no make-up on and my hair was half in and half out of a ponytail. A.K.A.- i was unattractive.

soooo much fun.

another quick sidenote- i woke up the next morning with my shirt off. so apparently im undressing myself in my sleep now. i really hope i dont get another fire alarm in the middle of the night after i've stripped myself in my sleep because my room key may not be the only thing i accidentally leave behind.

WHAMMY!