Goon sighting

so. just when i thought i couldnt get any more traumatized (following my 6-inch haircut yesterday).........i saw my ex-boyfriend ryan today. for the first time since our breakup 4 months ago. normally, seeing an ex wouldnt affect me at all. because i've never broken up with someone who i actually had feelings for and didnt stay friends with. until now.

here's the story.

on my way home from my parents' house in indiana, i decided to stop off and get my nails done. i always go to a place on rt. 30 because it's on my way to the expressway. as im pulling off the road to pull into the parking lot, i happen to glance over and notice a post office. and then i see that it's the DYER post office. and then i realize that's where ryan works. (ok- so i never actually KNEW where the dyer post office WAS. but now i do). and then of course i see ryan's huge truck parked next to the building. (it's not hard to miss. 9 feet tall, ducks on the back window, fox sticker on the windshield. i still dont understand what that fox thing is all about).

now- this is also the first time i've seen his TRUCK since we broke up. and who knew seeing his truck would have such an impact on me. I who pride myself on having a heart of stone and no longer allow any man to have any kind of emotional influence on me. but it literally knocked the wind out of me. i dont know how else to describe it. just the sight of his truck literally took my breath away. and not in a good way.

thanking the Lord that all i DID see was his truck, i pull into the nail place and proceed to get my nails done. an hour later i walk out of the nail place.

AND. his truck is now parked directly in front of me.

confusion ensued. what's ryan doing over here? what could he possibly be doing? and why does he have to do it NOW???

then i realized there is a tanning place two doors down from the nail place. (yes he's one of THOSE guys.) and, it's a tanning place where all the beds are stand-up. which is much more convenient for him since he's 6'6. i never understood how he was able to lay down in a bed to begin with. didn't he stick out at both ends?..... and why do you have to go tanning anyway?..... aren't you a hillbilly? hillbillies dont go tanning. they get farmers' tans from working in the field. (questions i often asked him).


so there i go. riddle solved. ryan is tanning two doors away from me. and maybe, just maybe, i can get to my car and drive away without being seen. because beeing seen would be pure tragedy. i have a bad haircut. i totally dont look cute.

just as i was thinking ALL of this, i see a man walking very quickly out of the corner of my eye. about 30 feet to the left of me. carhart...check. camo shorts....check. ridiculous shoes....check. it was ryan.

I'm pretty sure i said "Oh my God" out loud, then stuck my hand and seemingly my entire head into my purse in an attempt to appear as though i was searching for something very important. all the while wondering what it was i could pretend to be searching for. i already had my keys in my hand.

i saw my sunglasses and somehow put them on despite the fact that i no longer had control over my hands which were shaking so bad im sure i resembled Muhammad Ali.
Yes. sunglasses. good idea. they're huge and take up half your face. maybe he wont recognize you. Please dont look at me please dont look at me please dont look at me.

i suddenly became incredibly aware of the way i was walking. who knew placing one foot in front of the other could be such a detailed process. you're walking like an orangutan. dont slouch. try not to trip over your feet. why did you wear these heels.

i dont think i breathed the entire way to my car. i just know that when i finally sat down and DID look up, his truck was pulling away.

i turned the key in the ignition. the radio came on. and, because life is ironic, the song 'cupid's chokehold' was on the radio. the song that ryan had declared was his song for me. and the song that now makes me want to vomit every time i hear it.


and then i couldnt help but feel incredibly, incredibly sad. here's a guy that i once knew everything about. we knew each others' schedules down to the minute. and now, i know absolutely nothing about him. i didnt know he was tanning somewhere new. it made me think about everything else that i dont know. did you find out what that whining noise was in your truck? did Pat get the speakers he wanted for his home theater? who did you take to jessica's wedding? did you buy that tractor that you made me go look at 800 times? Is your dad enjoying retirement? Is he done with the occupational therapy? Did you buy the new sirius radio that you wanted?

and it made me sad to think about the way he used to be with me. so excited to surprise me with concert tickets or buy me clothes. pick out anything you want babe. his impressive way of getting mad at me without ever sounding mad.
SWEETHEART!!! you have to put WATER in the coffee maker.
BABY!! dont brush your hair in my truck you're getting hair all over the place.
HONEY BUNS! how long does it take you to do your hair???
You can't DO that babe. You're going to BREAK IT!

how he found it entertaining to take pictures of me with curlers in my hair and then make it the wallpaper on his phone so he could show everyone his "lovebug."

the way he kissed my forehead all the time, for no apparent reason. and how i had to stand on something just to give him a kiss.

and thinking about that truck. all the rides we took with the windows down on those country roads. all that country music that i cant bare to listen to anymore. i wont be riding in it anymore. ever. and i helped lift it. (well, i handed him tools while he worked on it for 9 hours and swore).

and now here we are. reduced to two strangers just walking in a parking lot. no hand holding. no forehead kissing. no "sweetheart" or "lovebug". two people pretending not to see each other.

i can only hope he didnt see me. because if he did, i can imagine how the conversation went afterward.

Ryan- "Farmer, dude you'll never guess who i saw today."
Farmer- "Uhhhhhh. who"
Ryan- "LINDA."
Farmer- "Aw no shit? how'd she look."
Ryan- "Eh. she got a bad haircut."


or not.


anyways. that was all very personal. much more personal than i like to be on my blog. but because im fairly certain that nobody except maybe my mother reads this, i can afford to be personal. it's good therapy i think. i AM totally over him. i'm much better off. it's just weird to see someone unexpectedly.

and besides, im not really cut out to be with a farmer. i cant pretend that i was actually ever entertained by riding for hours on end in a combine. or feeding farm animals with him. or watching him stack hay bales. hay is itchy. animals are smelly. and riding in a combine is like riding in a really slow-moving car. only with more bugs and without headrests.

alright im done now. no more serious linda. i dont like her.